This morning I woke up and did what I do most mornings; I sat in meditation, then stood for my energetic centering practice that culminates with me speaking my commitment to myself. But today I found myself standing in my living room having stretched energetically, ready to call in what I desire most but completely blank. What remained was just a question: What do I want more than anything right now in my life? What’s next for me? All of my personal growth work has been leading to this question, has always led back to this question. What is the ‘right’ next step? The next growing edge for me in this moment? What I discovered was completely unexpected.
In her TED Talk on “Listening to Shame” Brene Brown reveals that after her first appearance on TED she had a breakdown. She could not believe what she had said to millions of people about the importance of vulnerability in our lives. She had exposed herself in ways that would not allow her to play small in the world any more. After watching her video on YouTube, her words would stick with me for weeks and it was that same statement that reflected my own next step. It’s time to stop playing small. Its time do that thing that will propel me forward. That will have me be seen in ways that I never before dared.
Brene Brown: Listening to Shame
Here is what playing small looks like for me. I hide in the minutia of everyday tasks. I sit at my computer opening emails and reorganizing tasks lists when I should be out at events networking, connecting with people who could be great partners, collaborators, and resources for my projects. I talk myself out of applying for grant, fellowships, or even the conferences where I might have the opportunity to present my ideas, my vision to large rooms and expand my impact. I stay right where I am and where I’m comfortable for much longer than I’m suppose to, long after my usefulness has run out, long after its become clear that my skills are not valued, but I stay because it’s a steady pay check or it’s the only way I’ll have health insurance or just because it’s a good place to hide out. Ultimately what it comes down to is a fear of risk. A fear of the vulnerability that risk exposes us to. What if I fail? Then there’s the shame that weighs upon us when fall short. Yet no one has ever accomplished anything great without first having experienced failure.
Imagine if we were taught from any early age how to put failure into perspective? If we were conditioned to think of failure as an opportunity to learn and try a different approach next time. What if we celebrated so called failures; instead of experiencing shame when we fall short, we saw it as constructive feedback that we could use to refine our strategy. Imagine how many visionaries never get to realize their potential because they quite the first time they failed. Because they saw failure as a reflection of who they are, not something that is a universal part of our experience as human beings. I am not my failures. I am not going to play small just because I’m afraid that others won’t get my idea or the project won’t win the award or I might receive push back or criticism from my peers.
So its time to step out into the world and speak my highest vision into existence. Its time to take the risks that will offer the greatest reward and change the way I think about failure because I have too much to offer to be hiding out any more.
